


Shed Your Body (Return to Your Senses)

by dreamyghost



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Romance, Supernatural - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-06
Updated: 2021-03-07
Packaged: 2021-03-19 12:35:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 10,028
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29874765
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dreamyghost/pseuds/dreamyghost
Summary: The village whispers, “Do not enter the forest. A demon lurks inside.”Long after the Battle of Gronder, the Blaiddyd Demon comes across a human, who resembles a former house leader, left for dead. Despite wanting nothing to do with humans, the demon grows closer to the one known as Khalid, and the heart that is no longer there begins to feel something renew.A Dimiclaude Big Bang 2020 Fic
Relationships: Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd/Claude von Riegan
Comments: 22
Kudos: 51
Collections: Dimiclaude Big Bang 2020





	1. If

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! It's been a while since I've posted hasn't it? 
> 
> This is a story that came to me way back in May, and when I found out about the Dimiclaude Big Bang I figured what the heck! I already have a fic idea. Maybe this will help push me to write this fic. Here we are now, almost a year later. I'm incredibly proud of this fic, and I was partnered with an incredible artist, Frei!
> 
> I hope you enjoy reading this fic as much as I enjoyed writing it!

“If I loved you less, I’d be alive. If I loved you more, I’d fade away.”

—Unloved, _If_

“Life is suffering. It is hard. The world is cursed. But still, you find reasons to keep living.”

— _Princess Mononoke_

* * *

The screams and cries of allies and foes melded into a singular sound: a high pitch ringing in his ear as the smoke in the air stung his lungs. They tried to stop him as he stalked his intended victim. The cause of grief and sorrow for this entire atrocity. She was finally— _finally_ —within his grasp and the dead that have watched over his shoulder for so long began to grow louder than the annoying high pitch that made his ears bleed. 

**HER HEAD! GIVE US HER HEAD!**

They would have her head soon, and no weapon that pierced his skin and drew blood could stop him now. All that approached lost their identities and became nothing more than bodies on the ground for him to step on. But they were not the only ones to lose who they were. He had been human once too. But now he wore the decaying corpse of Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd. And it hid who he truly was—a demon.

“Edelgard!”

The Empress was wounded and her soldiers were dying all around her. She was within reach, her head begging to be torn from her shoulders and crushed with his hands. After five long years, he would finally—

And just like that, she was gone. There one moment and gone the next. Rescued by the conniving Hubert who would deny what he desired—no. What he was OWED. 

His vision grew red and so did Areadhbar as he continued moving forward, unaware of where he was actually going and not really caring. If he had to march to Enbarr by himself to hear her cries as he tore her apart from limb to limb then he would do just that. He would practice with those who tried to stop him. And there were many. 

An arrow flew past his head and lodged itself in the eye of a soldier heading towards him. Strong winds lifted the locks of his hair and cape as he heard the wings of a creature flapping as it descended behind him. He didn’t bother looking back. He didn’t care.

“Dimitri, stop! She’s gone, you need to retreat!” 

Every soldier that dared to approach met their end by lance or bow in an unintentional display of teamwork on his part. Claude kept his distance, apparently knowing better than to get close to the demon.

“I already lost you once, Dimitri. I won’t lose you again.”

Somehow those were the words that faltered his step, that made him stop and turn and gaze eyes on Claude for the first time in five years. And through the haze, the first thought—of all things—that came to mind was, _his braid is gone._

Claude lowered his bow, breathing heavily as he took a tentative step forward but stopped when Dimitri raised Areadbhar towards him.

“You never had me. I belong to the dead.”

But that didn’t discourage the Alliance leader. He wore his stubborn determination on his face, and Dimitri could see it plainly that Claude did not believe his words. Chose not to accept them. Refused to allow them to taint the memories they shared back in the academy. Those long nights when it was just the two of them, whispering to each other under the stars and moon. Those gazes that Dimitri swore meant nothing even if his heart longed for them to. The promise they made at the Goddess Tower that Dimitri was willing to break if it meant getting what he wanted. Claude treasured those memories. Dimitri despised them. 

“Dimitri—”

The arrow that pierced Claude’s heart had come from nowhere. All thoughts ceased as Claude’s clothes were quickly stained in red, blood pouring from his wound and bubbling from his mouth as Claude took a shaky step forward and stumbled to his knees. Never taking his eyes off him as the determined look he had became blank and empty. And then nothing as he collapsed to the ground.

A deranged cry emerged from deep within his chest, producing a rush of adrenaline that prevented him from feeling the pain of the arrow hitting his shoulder. The archer made the mistake of revealing his location, and Dimitri barely registered the look of fear on the man's face before his skull was crushed into a sad pulp between his hands. Someone jumped on his back and attempted to stab him but could not do it fast enough. The edge of the blade sliced open his skin as he stopped the sword with his hands. But the soldier had backup, and Dimitri could not stop all of them. 

Weapons were beginning to stick out of his body as he killed those he could without his. Desperate to live and kill, Dimitri stumbled back to where he had dropped it, trying not to look at the body on the ground next to it, trying to pretend that it was not real, that Claude was alive and breathing, his heart still beating. As he picked up Areadbhar, he fought back the urge to drag the body with him. It would slow him down, and the remaining soldiers would take advantage of it. No matter what it took, Dimitri would survive. He would not join the dead just yet. So he left Claude behind just as he did five years ago.

The battle still raged on between the survivors. Those that ran were chased, and Dimitri had become the biggest prey. The adrenaline had begun to wear off, and his injuries were slowing him down. None of his allies were nearby. There was no one around to help him. He was exhausted, but if he could make it to the forest maybe he could—

Blood burst from his mouth as an arrow penetrated his throat, and he nearly collapsed from the pain. Areadbhar kept him up, and he kept going, making it to the forest through sheer will alone. But the soldiers would be upon him soon, and his injuries were lethal. Blood stained the forest floor, covering the flowers and grass in an ugly red. He would not survive this. He was going to die here.

**NO! YOU NEED TO AVENGE US!**

Edelgard’s head had been so close. He nearly had her. If only he had been faster.

**AVENGE US!**

If only he had been stronger.

**AVENGE US!**

If only he wasn’t about to die.

**_NO! NO! NO!_ **

**AVENGE US!**

**_I WILL NOT DIE!_ **

**AVENGE US!**

**_NOT UNTIL HER LIFELESS EYES ARE STARING BACK AT ME!_ **

**AVENGE US!**

**_NOT UNTIL I HAVE AVENGED THEM!_ **

There was a painful sensation along the curve of his spine, and if he could have screamed he would have. As he dropped to his hands, the pain increased and the only sound he could make was a wet puff. It was as if someone had grabbed his spine and began to stretch it out. His bones were breaking; he could hear it; he could feel it. Before his eye, he could see his arms growing longer and thinner, the ends of his fingers growing sharp and pointy.

Dimitri briefly wondered if he was hallucinating before the excruciating agony overtook his thoughts. Whatever was happening to him, he could not stop it. The armor he wore began to burn and sizzle his skin. Melded until they were one and the same. His limbs continued to stretch and grow as the soldiers finally reached him. 

They saw a weakened foe, and their guard was down as they dared to get close to him. The soldier ordered to execute him was smaller than the others, her face thin and meek. She looked as if she could barely hold the axe over her head as she aimed to end his suffering.

It shocked everyone when he stopped the axe from slicing his neck off and crushed the edge with his hand. The girl didn’t have time to process what was happening before Dimitri sprung upon her and tore the flesh of her neck with his sharpened teeth. He threw her body towards the rest and grabbed the one who had jumped away with his claws, gashing out his eyes.

It was all a blur from there. His newly deformed body moved on instinct, as if he had always been like this. Perhaps he had been on the inside, and only now did the outside match. With all the hatred and anger he had inside, he vaguely wondered if this had been what transformed him as he towered over his final victim. Dimitri had been much taller than most of his allies when they had reunited, but this six foot man could not compare to his new height. He might as well have been an oversized doll as Dimitri picked up the pale man and bit his head off.

The mangled bodies were scattered across the forest grounds. If one didn’t know any better, they might have thought that this had been a horrific animal attack. But animals didn’t kill like this. They weren’t cruel and wasteful. They took no pleasure in killing. And Dimitri’s grin had been a wide one.

Weapons still clung to his body, but the only pain he felt was the one inside his chest, heart beating fast and erratic. Dimitri hunched over. He could feel the pulse behind his eyes, on the sides of his head, and in his ears. The pounding sound of his heartbeat was deafening. It wanted to leave. Split open his chest and burst out. It didn’t belong in this body. And since so many of his loved ones’ hearts no longer beat then why did his heart deserve to?

Sharp claws scratched at his chest. The armor that covered it could no longer be removed, but Dimitri’s monstrous strength knew no bounds now. Dimitri could produce no more than a grunt as the skin on top was ripped off, trails of thick hot blood clinging to the armor as he threw it aside. His sternum could do nothing to protect it as Dimitri seized his heart and tore it out.

Through the thick forest trees, sunlight broke through and lit the organ as he held it up high. The frail heart was still beating despite the removal. Plant roots reached up gingerly and took the unintentional offering, disappearing into the ground below without a trace. The energy he had was gone, and he collapsed as the haze took over his mind.

Somehow his body was lifted and carried, his limbs dragging on the ground. He closed his eye as he heard the whispers of those he had lost, some words incomprehensible. The world was lost to him until water suddenly surrounded him as he slowly sank down. Red colored the water, twirling and swirling in the light. Past the clouds of blood, he could make out a figure above the surface leaning closer, trying to get a closer look at the creature. 

Water filled his lungs when he recognized the curious face as Claude’s, and only then did Dimitri move, swimming back up awkwardly as he tried to become adjusted to the new length of his arms. Emerging from down below, he gasped as he tried to breathe between his coughs. His hands touched his throat to check the wound but found that it had disappeared.

“Claude!” Dimitri called out, looking around to see where the man had gone. But there was no one around. He was alone.

His cloak felt heavy around his shoulders as he climbed out of the lake. Near the edge, the weapons that had wounded him were scattered, stained with his blood. The lake reflected the sky above, and he went down to his knees, slowly leaning over to see what the apparition of Claude had seen.

The white of his eye was gone, replaced with an empty black that seemed to make the blue glow. The eyepatch was removed, not only revealing that his eye matched the left but also that it had healed along with the rest of his wounds. _Eyes are the window to the soul_ , Dimitri had once heard someone say. What a perfect indication of how soulless he had become.

Where his heart had been was now just a hole, and he reached inside to check if it was truly gone. There was no pain, but his stomach clenched as he did so, knowing it should not have been possible to have done this and lived. This is what Claude had seen: a soulless and heartless demon. 

Fear wasn’t an emotion he had felt much of since the Tragedy of Duscur. For so long, Dimitri had viewed himself as a monster, one only capable of feeling anger and hatred. But he felt fear now. The demon staring back at him terrified him. Was this truly him? Had he truly shed the corpse of Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd and become what he was always meant to be? Accidentally offer up his heart and everything it represented in order to continue living? What would the others say if they saw this form of his? Would his own people turn on him? Try and kill the beast before he could do them harm?

**IT DOES NOT MATTER. DO NOT FORGET YOUR DUTY.**

They were right. Bury the fear. It didn’t matter. It didn’t matter what he looked like. It didn’t matter that Claude was dead. It didn’t matter if his people accepted him or not after he killed the Empress. Giving the dead their tribute, doing his duty, that’s all that mattered.

There was no time to wallow in self-pity. He tore his gaze away from the lake and looked around. The forest was thick with trees. There was no clear path back to Gronder, but he went on ahead. As long as he made it out of the forest, he’d find his way to Enbarr. Though he was able to kill the enemy soldiers with his bare hands, it felt wrong to leave the weapon that had been passed down to him behind. One of the few remnants of his father left. As he held Areadbhar in his hand, his goal felt clearer. More achievable. Soon. _Soon._

The animals of the forest scattered as Dimitri made his way through. They wanted nothing to do with the hideous predator that had imposed himself in their home. Clearly they were smarter than the humans. For some reason they ran towards him, eager for death. That’s all he’s ever been able to provide, whether it be by his own hand or another’s. Death clung to him wherever he went. She had her arms wrapped tightly around his shoulders. Perhaps she had been the one to curse him. For choosing life over death. Choosing to stay wide awake instead of fast asleep in her cold arms. One day he would join her with the rest of the people he loved. She just had to be patient. 

Somehow, Dimitri had found himself back where he had come from. Gronder was just up ahead. Bodies were still on the ground, fires from magic were still burning. The soldiers that survived had not returned to bury the decaying corpses just yet. Which meant he would be able to slip out unseen by human eyes. 

The sun had begun to set, taking most of the light with it. Dimitri stopped just short of the trees at the edge. Despite the darkness that was approaching, Dimitri could see just fine. If anything, the absence of the light only improved his vision, and he searched and searched until his eyes landed on the body of the former Alliance leader. Left behind not only by him but his allies as well. Only his white wyvern had stayed by his side, curled up next to his body with the hope that its owner was merely resting. What a stupid creature. Didn’t it understand that Claude was gone? That the body next to it no longer contained a soul and was merely a shell?

_Claude_. The moment the arrow had pierced his heart, Dimitri had once more become the powerless boy that watched everyone he cared about die in the massacre. Even if he had killed the soldier that released the arrow, it had been far too late. Claude was dead before Dimitri had even moved from the spot he had been standing in. His strength was useless. By saving Dimitri’s life, Claude had forfeited his own, unbeknownst to both of them until Claude had collapsed to the ground. Claude had declared he wouldn’t lose Dimitri again, but fate had shown just how cruel she was. This time it was Dimitri who had lost Claude. Forever. Never again would Dimitri find himself lost in those bright emerald eyes just as he had loved to do back in the academy. Would never feel the breath that tickled his ear when Claude would lean in and whisper in it. Never feel their hands brush against each other as they walked side-by-side. Claude hadn’t smiled when he saved him. Dimitri wished he had. Just so he could have one last smile to store in his memories. Because memories were all he had of Claude now.

Dimitri could bury him. He could do that for Claude. As an apology for ever entering Claude’s life, for bringing death to his doorstep without meaning to. For ever wishing for more when he never deserved it. He could only hope that Claude would accept his apology and not become another soul that would haunt and torment him. He didn’t know if he could bear seeing Claude’s face amongst the others.

_Forgive me, Claude. Please forgive me._

There was a tug at his foot when Dimitri stepped forward. When he looked down, he saw plant roots wrapped around it, growing tighter as he tried to keep walking. The roots would not tear, and they began to wrap around his other foot. With his monstrous strength, he leaned down and tore the roots off. But they did not stop coming. They reached out from the ground, entangled against one another in the form of hands. Dimitri tried to run, but the enchanted roots were quick. He tripped as they grabbed a hold of his ankles. When they began to drag him back, Dimitri clawed the ground to get some sort of grip. His piercing screams echoed across the field, startling the white wyvern who suspected an enemy. It took to the sky and disappeared, leaving behind the body of its owner. 

Dimitri’s claws left trails as the plant roots dragged him deeper into the forest, ignoring his pleas and rage. Gronder Field disappeared from view. The roots did not let go until he was at the lake. For a moment, Dimitri laid there in confusion before racing back to the edge, only to have the same thing happen again. No matter how many plant roots he tore apart, they kept coming back, overpowering him until he was dragged back to the lake once more. Dread began to fill his mind and each time he tried to find another way out of the forest, he would find himself back where he had started. 

**FIND A WAY OUT!**

There had to be a way out. The forest was vast. There had to be a place the enchanted roots did not reach. He had to find it. He needed to leave, needed to find Edelgard and kill her. She could not be reached here. She was moving farther and farther from him, and he needed to leave **NOW!**

Dimitri stumbled along the forest. The trees were blurring into one, becoming indistinguishable from one another. Had he gone this way before? Was this a new path? No, he’s been here before. Go left. No. Go right. No. Go back. No. Go—

He’s being dragged again. His claws were bleeding. He needed to try again. There was a way out. He needed to try again. Go forward. No. Go left. No. Go back. No. Go right. No. Go—

The cry that he released was pathetic. His throat was weak and dry, exhausted from Dimitri’s screams. It didn’t matter. He needed to keep going. There was a way out. Find a way out. Find a way out. Find a way out. Find a way—

Dimitri collapsed just before he reached the edge. The sun had begun to rise from the horizon. 

There was no way out. 

* * *

How many days passed, Dimitri could not say. The light was the only indication he had, but he did not count. He remained motionless on the ground, much to the anger of the dead. They screeched at him, commanding him to get up and leave. But the forest that had granted him a second chance at life had become his prison. It wasn’t enough to take his heart. It needed to take his freedom. To cage the demon that would bring death and destruction to all if it was released. Once again, Edelgard had slipped through his fingers. Potentially for good. 

So why did he need to get up? Why did he need to do anything? He might as well lay here and rot. Let nature do what it wanted with his body. His soul was not present. This was only a shell of a former man.

_Your Highness._

The sound of the familiar voice made his chest tighten. From the corner of his eyes he could see boots, and he shut them before he could look further. 

_Dimitri._

“No,” Dimitri gasped.

_Get up._

“Not you too, Claude. Please.”

When his hands were gently lifted, Dimitri looked up. His hands were shaking as he stared right into the eyes of Claude von Riegan. Very much alive, or at least he appeared to be. The ghosts that haunted him always glared at him with hatred. Resentful that he was the one to have survived, not them. His father, his step-mother, Glenn. Even his faithful friend Dedue. No warmth ever reached their eyes. Whatever this was looked at him with amusement. Almost as if it thought it was silly that he had been laying here for so long. The hands that held his own were devoid of all heat. They felt like nothing, and if Dimitri hadn’t seen it with his own eyes, he would not have known this apparition of Claude was here. 

_Dimitri listen._

This was not Claude, but he looked and sounded so much like Claude that Dimitri wanted desperately to believe that Claude had come back to life as he had. That he had not returned to torment him like the others.

_It’s come to kill me._

“Who?”

There was a low deep growl, and Dimitri turned to see red eyes emanating from the forest. The demonic beast approached slowly, uncharacteristically for its kind. Perhaps it didn’t know what to make of Dimitri, a man turned demon. Were they the same being? Its mouth hung open as it determined its next move.

_Are you really going to let me die again?_

Never. He would never allow anything to harm Claude ever again. Quickly he reached down to grab Areadbhar, and the beast screeched as it realized he was no ally.

The beast lunged towards them and the two separated as it filled the space between them. Its full attention was on Dimitri, the much larger threat. 

Demonic beasts have always been tricky to kill. Their size and strength made them impossible to kill alone. One needed allies if they wanted to survive. 

But Dimitri was no longer a fragile human. He needed no one. There was no fear in his heart as he lunged at the beast. As Dimitri pierced Areadbhar through its skull, the demonic beat’s arms slumped down and the lights in its eyes faded into nothing. They stood still for a moment, Areadbhar being the only thing holding the corpse up. Dimitri gave it a firm shake before letting it collapse at his feet. He panted as the blood dripped down from his face, and he turned to see if Claude was unharmed.

But no one was there.

* * *

Time became irrelevant as Dimitri wandered the forest, no longer interested in finding a way out. The fact was that there was no way out and though the truth stabbed at his missing heart, he accepted it. There was nothing left to do but chase after shadows of the ghosts that haunted him. 

Some would say they weren’t very good company. Faces that once gazed at him lovingly with warmth and kindness now spat venomous words at him, chipping away of what was left of his sanity. But company was company, and the forest provided very little of that. 

Claude was an enigma that Dimitri did not understand, which was very reminiscent of their days in the academy when he was alive and had secrets to keep. Dimitri wasn’t sure where he had come from. He didn’t act like the others. His words, if he even said any at all, were not coated in malice, but they were not comforting. Claude would often ask if Dimitri would allow him to die again, and somehow that question brought a pain that the ghosts’ words could not achieve. Dimitri would grab Claude’s wrist, but he would feel nothing, rendering the action utterly pointless for he wanted nothing more than to feel the heat radiating from his skin once more. Despite this, the loneliness aching in his chest was a little easier to deal with when Claude was around, even if no words were exchanged. 

But it made it harder when Claude wasn’t around. He wasn’t sure what summoned the apparition of Claude, so the sun would rise and set many times before he returned once more. He tried to think of nothing as he mindlessly wandered, but sometimes the image of Edelgard so far from his grasp would invoke a deep rage inside of him, and he would destroy anything his hands could touch. Trees would snap and fall and any animals unfortunate enough to be nearby could not escape his wrath. When he would come to, guilt would envelop him as he stared at the corpses of the animals. Hunger was something he no longer felt, and he suspected he no longer needed food to survive. But in order to not make their deaths meaningless, Dimitri would eat what was left of the animals. It was probably for the best that he had not regained his sense of taste. 

It was raining when Dimitri saw Claude for the second time, and he vaguely noted that it must have been Garland Moon, when the rainy season began. The memory of a flower crown being placed on his head was pushed aside as he grasped nothing and questioned what Claude was. The apparition gave no answers and said nothing as Dimitri went to his knees and clung to him. Even like this, he still towered over Claude, but the apparition never looked intimidated. He smiled as if he accepted him, and Dimitri wondered if the real Claude would have as well. 

Imperial soldiers often entered the forest, perhaps searching for the missing prince but were instead met with the demon of the forest. Dimitri offered the same respect to their corpses as he did the animals and tossed the remains outside the border as a warning. It wasn’t until snow began to fall that the soldiers got the message.

On the other hand, it seemed the citizens of the Empire did not. He suspected the humans entering the forest with weapons came from the nearby town. It didn’t matter though. He dealt with them just as he dealt with the demonic beats lurking around. It was the same routine as the snow melted and the rain returned and the cold replaced the heat and the snow fell again. Dimitri watched as the forest changed with the seasons, but he remained the same, never aging. The ghosts stayed the same as well, and Dimitri wondered if it was comforting that he wasn’t the only one frozen in time. 

After the snow returned for the tenth time, Dimitri stopped keeping count. It was a pointless thing to do and changed nothing as the years passed. As long as humans and beasts entered his forest, the routine of death would never stop.

* * *

There was a strange peacefulness to the forest that never seemed to be disturbed even when intruders ventured inside. Dimitri could be sinking his teeth in the neck of an assassin or dragging himself to the lake to heal his injuries and yet the peacefulness would still be there, soothing what it could. It was never enough to quiet the ghosts’ words, but it helped him sleep, something that often eluded him when he was still human. He never dreamed, and he was grateful that he couldn’t, for he knew he would only be plagued with nightmares if he did.

So when Dimitri had awoken and noticed that the peacefulness was replaced with unnerving silence, a chill ran down his spine. The feeling was odd, since it had been decades since he last felt anything akin to fear. He picked up Areadbhar as he stood up, straightening himself to his full height. Most would run from the sight, and he expected to hear the sound of twigs snapping as the perpetrator realized their mistake and ran away. 

But the forest held its breath as if to protect a secret Dimitri was not supposed to know. Even the wind refused to blow, and the leaves upon the trees remained still. What unnerved him the most was the fact that the vengeful spirits did not utter a sound.

Something was wrong, but no one would tell him what. The only thing Dimitri could do was search for the source of this disturbance. His prison offered no clues, but something deep within himself told him to check the borders. The once still leaves now rustled with each step as Dimitri headed to his destination. 

Dimitri could feel eyes watching his every move, so he stopped and turned to see a deer staring at him a couple yards away. It was a small fragile little animal, but it held his gaze, unmoving just like the rest of the forest. Black judgemental eyes peered into his glowing blue ones. The hand holding Areadbhar twitched. They remained still just a moment longer before Dimitri finally looked away and continued down his path. The deer watched as he did so.

When he reached the border near the town, he made sure to keep his distance. He had come to check for any disturbances, not to be dragged back to the center of the forest. At a glance, nothing seemed different. But Dimitri’s eyes and ears were sharp. There were the faintest indents in the ground, and he could hear shaky breaths. Someone had entered his home. 

He allowed Areadbhar to drag along the ground, and the breaths became shallow. They were by the border, so whoever had disturbed his home still had a chance to leave. If they chose not to take that chance...well.

Dimitri’s eyes scanned ahead until they landed on a body on the ground. Despite being far, Dimitri could see they were restrained. Arms were tied tightly behind their back, and he caught the hint of cloth around his head. Their legs were tied as well. Bound and gagged. Left for dead. A present just for him. 

As he approached, Dimitri pondered what he would do with this mystery human. Their back faced him and gave no indication as to who they were. He decided he would make his decision when he saw their face, for their face would tell him if they deserved mercy.

The person whimpered as Dimitri lowered himself. They clearly knew it was hopeless to try and escape so they chose to stay as still as they could, only their breathing betraying them as he grabbed their shoulder.

_Show me if you deserve to live._

His whole world came to a stop when emerald eyes met his.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much to Frei for her incredible art! I was blown away when I first saw it! She has been very patient with me and I could not have asked for a better partner :’-)
> 
> Check out her art [here](https://twitter.com/saltedwedges/status/1368202205140951045?s=20) and also check out her [twitter](https://twitter.com/saltedwedges) while you're at it!
> 
> Here's my [twitter](https://twitter.com/dreaminghostly) and [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/dreaminghosts) if anyone is interested :-)!
> 
> I hope you forward to the next chapter! Which will be posted sooner than you think >:-D


	2. Him

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dimitri wonders if it's too good to be true. He might be right.

“When you come back, you will not be you. And I may not be I.”

—E.M. Foster,  _ The Other Boat _

* * *

Dimitri was made aware of the future house leaders long before he arrived at the Officer’s Academy and had planned on greeting them on his own. However, the archbishop’s right hand man, Seteth, took it upon himself to introduce the three on the day they arrived. Unbeknownst to Seteth, Dimitri already knew the house leader of the Black Eagles. Future emperor of the Adrestian Empire, Edelgard von Hresvelg. 

They had been childhood friends when she briefly stayed in the Kingdom of Faerghus and were apparently step siblings, a fact that was not known to him until a couple years after she had left. It was strange seeing her now, with snowlike hair instead of brown and sharp lavender eyes instead of warm ones. She was shorter than him now, and he fondly recalled the days he had taken the woman’s position when she taught him how to dance. 

Dimitri was about to inform Seteth that they already knew each other when Edelgard held out her hand and introduced herself. A laugh nearly escaped him, but when he noticed there was no recognition in her face, he realized that she was not joking. For a moment, he wondered if he had mistaken her for someone else. There was an awkward pause before Dimitri remembered his manners and shook her hand. As he introduced himself to the other house leader, Claude von Riegan, Dimitri wondered if he was truly a forgettable person. He was glad that he hadn’t said anything. How embarrassing it would have been if she had denied their relationship in front of everyone. 

As Seteth spoke of their duties as house leaders, Dimitri found his eyes wandering over to Edelgard, and Seteth’s words became background noise. A soft elbow to his arm snapped him out of his daze, and he turned to Claude, who smiled like he knew a secret. Dimitri’s face reddened at his gaze and returned his attention to Seteth before he embarrassed himself any further.

The rest of the day had been relatively rocky. His other childhood friends, who clearly did remember him, had joined him for lunch at the dining hall along with his trusted friend Dedue. Felix hardly spoke to him, but when he did his words were cold and insulting. Ingrid had scolded him, but Dimitri felt a touch of shame. Out of everyone, it seemed Felix was the only one who knew who Dimitri truly was. He had merely caught a glimpse when they were sent to squash the rebellion a few years back, but a glimpse was all Felix needed to see the truth. 

So he was right to say that Dimitri had died alongside his friends and family. The Dimitri here and now was nothing more than a vessel meant to avenge those who had died during the Tragedy of Duscur. That was the reason he had come to the Officer’s Academy. To search for the true perpetrators of the tragedy, because no matter what anyone said, the people of Duscur were not responsible. 

There were books in the academy that could not be found anywhere else, so the library was the best place to start. He had bid Dedue goodnight before he snuck off to the library. It was a good thing Dedue’s room was not next to his, for if he discovered him out so late, Dedue would drag him straight to bed. It was currently curfew, but the house leaders were exempt from it. Still, Dimitri would prefer if this little trip was kept a secret from students and staff alike. 

The first thing Dimitri noticed when he entered the library was the soft light of a candle at the far end of the room. As he closed the door behind him, he heard a voice call out, “I know, I know, I’m wrapping things up.”

The voice was familiar and as he approached, Dimitri recognized the figure of Claude von Riegan, the house leader of the Golden Deer and future duke of the Leicester Alliance.

The fact that somehow the three future leaders of Fódlan were all attending the Officer’s Academy at the same time always amazed him. Edelgard and Dimitri were around the same age so that didn’t surprise him, but for the future Alliance leader to be around the same age as well? What a strange coincidence!

The original heir of House Riegan was an older gentleman and supposedly the only crest bearer. When he had died, it had appeared that House Riegan was left without an heir. And yet somehow, about a year ago, another crest-bearing heir had appeared and secured House Riegan as the leading house of the Alliance. Claude von Riegan had appeared just as the original heir had died. Mysteriously.

“Oh, it’s you.” Dimitri could have sworn he saw the glint of a dagger in Claude’s hand as he stood up. “I thought you were the librarian.”

“Do you always greet the librarian with a dagger?”

The locks of Claude’s curly brown hair bounced as he let out a small laugh, and Dimitri couldn’t help but smile. Humor was never his forte, but somehow he had gotten a fellow classmate to laugh. 

“Maybe. You should carry one too, your highness. You never know who could be lurking late at night.” Dimitri had only known Claude for a short while, but he could tell that he spoke from experience, adding to his mysterious nature.

“That’s very true. It would be best to stay careful,” Dimitri responded.

“It would. Though I do wonder why the prince of Faerghus would be out here so late.” The moonlight pouring in from the window reflected off of Claude’s emerald eyes, causing them to shine. They were as calculating as they were mesmerizing. If Dimitri stayed here any longer, he had a feeling Claude would find a way to pry all his secrets. He knew he was an easy person to read after all.

“I could say the same thing about you.”

They stayed there for a moment, both weighing their options. Dimitri figured he could come back another night and was about to say so when,

“Well, like I said, I’m wrapping up,” Claude reached over to the table and shut his book, “I’ll leave you to it. I hope you find what you’re looking for, your highness.”

With a wink and a smile, Claude was gone, leaving Dimitri alone to explore.

* * *

Jewel-like eyes captured and entrapped him as the years dissolved and became nonexistent, reverting Dimitri back to the boy he was before everything was ruined. No longer was he the demon of the forest. He wasn’t even the prince who was sentenced to death. At this moment, he was just Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd, the shy prince who fell in love and  _ Claude… _

Claude was alive. Dimitri could feel him under his grip, actually feel that it was him. He was warm and solid, nothing like the apparition that had kept him company all these years. This couldn’t have been a dream for he no longer had those. The Claude below him was real and looked like he hadn’t aged a day since the battle at Gronder.

This was too good to be true, he knew that, but Dimitri had been alone for so long that he wanted to relish this feeling for just a moment longer before reality returned. Before he had to question anything. Just a moment more. 

The illusion shattered when a tear escaped the corner of Claude’s eye and questions began to flood his mind.

_ How is he alive? _

_ Why hasn’t he aged? _

_ How long has it been? _

_ What is he doing here? _

_ Why is he restrained? _

Claude trembled as the tears continued to flow, and Dimitri pulled away quickly. He remembered what he had become all those years ago. A demon. 

Claude was terrified of him.

Of course he was. There was nothing human about him. Who wouldn’t be terrified in his position? But it hurt to see the look of terror in his eyes. It was stupid of him to hope that Claude would accept him—did he even recognize him?—even in this form. If he still had his heart, he was certain it would be heartbroken. 

As he opened his mouth to say something—anything—his sharp ears caught the sound of whispering, and it dawned on him why Claude was practically giftwrapped to him. 

“Why hasn’t it eaten him yet?” 

“It will, just be patient. It’ll be our only chance to strike.”

Without an ounce of guilt, the villagers had offered Claude up as a sacrifice in the hopes of killing Dimitri. One life for another. They feared the demon that lurked in the forest, but did they not realize they were just as monstrous as he? If they believed Claude’s life was worth less than theirs then perhaps he should show them just how wrong they were. It would be so easy to remind them why they feared him. 

Every inch of his body screamed at him to follow his instincts, to do exactly what he had done to so many before them. But something held him back, an emotion he hadn’t felt in a long time. Shame. 

_ Why must you always see me at my worst? _

For the sake of those tearful-emerald eyes, Dimitri wouldn’t subject them to his cruelty. He would walk away and leave them all behind, sparing their lives in the process. He would even leave Claude behind…

But why would Dimitri do that? Why would he leave Claude in the hands of people who didn’t value his life? What would they do to him as soon as Dimitri left their sight? Surely not untie his restraints and apologize to him. Those were not the people who had left him for dead. 

When he was young, his father told him stories of princesses who were kidnapped by beasts, only to be saved by a valiant knight in the end. Dimitri had proudly proclaimed he would grow up to be like the knights in the stories and one day save his very own princess. Edelgard didn't need saving, and Dimitri didn’t grow up to be a knight. 

Wordlessly, Dimitri scooped Claude into his arms and stood up. He could hear the villager’s sharp breaths, waiting for their moment to strike, and then the confusion in their voices when he turned around and began to head back. 

“Why didn’t he—”

“What do we—”

“Just shoot it!”

Arrow after arrow bounced off his back, never finding the weak points in Dimitri’s armorskin. It was a fruitless effort, but the villagers still tried and tried until Dimitri and Claude were no longer in their view. 

* * *

It had been ages since the last time he had spoken, so when Dimitri attempted to speak, his voice came out low and raspy and his words incomprehensible. Slowly, he tried to form the words, coming closer to success each time he tried again. He hoped that if Claude heard him speak, he would stop being so afraid. Perhaps Claude would be even less afraid if Dimitri did something about those restraints. 

_ Don’t be afraid Claude, _ he tried to say over and over again as he lowered the man to the ground. When he saw Dimitri reach for his face with his razorlike fingers, Claude began to squirm.

“Don’t,” Dimitri said clearly, grabbing the top of his head with his other hand. At the command, Claude froze, shutting his eyes as Dimitri lifted the cloth that gagged him as gently as he could. Unfortunately, Dimitri was not used to being gentle, and he accidentally nicked Claude’s cheek as he cut the gag. A hiss escaped Claude’s lips as the blood trickled down his skin, and Dimitri pulled away quickly. 

“I’m sorry,” he breathed, “I’m sorry. I’ll be more careful.” Before Dimitri could continue, his mind suddenly ceased to work as a voice he hadn’t heard in so long filled the space between them. 

“You...you can speak?” 

What was this emotion he felt? It felt familiar, like a distant memory he couldn’t quite place. Even as a human he hadn’t—ah, but he had. This warm sensation...he had felt it as a child when he would play with Felix, Sylvain, and Ingrid in the snow. When the servants cooked his favorite meal for his birthday. When he managed to save Dedue from harm. When the Blue Lions had won the Battle of the Eagle and Lion, and they had a grand feast to celebrate. When he made a promise with Claude to remain friends no matter what at the Goddess Tower. How could he have forgotten this emotion? 

Happiness. 

Despite who—no, what—he had become, despite the loneliness he had suffered all these years, he truly felt happy. Even if Claude proclaimed that he never wanted to see Dimitri again, he would still feel this emotion. Dimitri had longed to hear Claude’s true voice again and somehow the Goddess had granted him his wish. 

“Oh Claude,” Dimitri whispered, returning his attention to the restraints, “you can’t even begin to imagine how good it is to hear your voice again.” 

“What do you—” Once Dimitri had freed Claude’s hands, he pulled him into an embrace. Dimitri could feel him stiffen at the action, but Dimitri couldn’t bring himself to care. He took in his warmth, his scent, his everything. 

“Claude,” Dimitri said with a shaky voice, “I’m sorry...I’m sorry for everything. I’m sorry I failed to protect you. If I hadn’t pushed you away, you would have—” 

“Why,” Claude asked suddenly, stopping Dimitri mid sentence, “are you apologizing? Why haven’t you killed me?”

At that, Dimitri backed away to look at Claude’s face, which had once been unreadable to him, but now expressed every emotion Claude felt. “Claude—”

“And why do you keep calling me Claude?” 

Dimitri’s throat dried at the question and the happiness that had warmed him began to flee as the dreaded question formed in his mind. Did he dare ask? Did he even want to know the answer?

“Who are you?”

“I’m Khalid. Who are you?” 

There was a curious look in the man’s eyes as he studied the creature before him. The curiosity subsided the fear a bit, and he even dared to take a step closer to Dimitri. 

_ Cold, he felt so cold. _

“And what are you? They say you’re a ruthless demon, but you haven’t killed me.”

_ He wanted the warmth back, why did it leave? _

“You speak too, no one knew that. Maybe if—”

“Why do you look like him?” Whatever curiosity Khalid had was lost as Dimitri slowly stood up, staring him down with his icy glare. Dimitri didn’t realize he was moving until Khalid’s back was pressed up against a tree. “Who sent you?”

This current emotion he felt was one he knew very well, and he clung on to it for support, for if he allowed himself to truly process the information he would be unable to function. Fate had given him Claude and just as quickly it had taken him away. Was it fate? Or was it perhaps someone who wanted him to suffer? Was Edelgard still alive after all these years and wanted to torment him for all the people he had killed? How could she have known about Claude? Only Dedue had known, and his friend would have never betrayed him. 

“I don’t—”

“Who sent you?” Dimitri shouted, grabbing Khalid by the shirt and lifting him up, “Edelgard? Hubert? Tell me!”

Khalid’s expression returned to the one he bore when he first laid eyes on Dimitri, and he clung helplessly to his arm as he cried out, “No one sent me. I didn’t come here willingly!”

“You’re lying! You were sent to kill me, weren’t you?”

“What are you talking about? They left me here to die!”

**IT’S A TRICK! KILL HIM!**

“Please!”

Then Dimitri remembered the arrow that pierced Claude’s heart all those years ago and how Claude’s shimmering eyes had lost all light as the blood bubbled from his mouth and he knew that even if this imposter was not Claude, he could not watch Claude die all over again. Especially by his hand.

Khalid let out a cry as he fell to the ground, and Dimitri turned away, refusing to look at him any longer.

“Leave.”

It was quiet for a moment. A moment of hesitation, as if Khalid wasn’t sure if Dimitri was truly letting him leave. Then Dimitri heard the sound of footsteps running, and he knew he was gone. 

_ You are a cruel Goddess, aren’t you? You take my family, you take my friends, and after all these years you give me hope only to tear it apart in front of me with a smile. I could have beared it longer if you hadn’t made me believe. I don’t think I can go on much longer. _

He didn’t want to go on but something had always stopped him. He lived so he could avenge his family and friends. He lived so he could kill Edelgard. He lived so he could see Claude’s face, regardless if it was real or not. But that brief moment of belief had ruined everything. If the apparition appeared before him now, he would find no comfort in it. It was all lies. He believed in lies, and lies were no longer enough. 

He’s run out of reasons to live now, and yet he trembled at the thought of death. He feared what waited for him on the other side. In the Eternal Flames because that’s exactly where he was going. He belonged there. He didn’t deserve peace nor rest. No, he deserved to be punished for all the sins he committed. The trail of blood and bodies behind him was unending and was the proof of all his wrongdoings. He deserved it, but he was frightened.  _ He was so frightened.  _

The sound of Claude’s—no, Khalid’s—scream snapped Dimitri out of his thoughts and his body was moving before he realized what he was doing. His ears picked up a low growl and he picked up the pace. 

**WHAT ARE YOU DOING?**

**LEAVE HIM!**

**HE’S A FAKE!**

Yes, he knew Khalid wasn’t Claude, he knew that! Moments ago he had nearly killed the man over that fact. But Khalid’s likeness to Claude was undeniable and if he had killed Khalid it would have been as if he had killed Claude. And now by the sound of it Khalid was in danger. How could Dimitri ever forgive himself if he allowed Khalid to die when he could have prevented it from happening?

_ Let me do one good thing. Please... _

The wolf slowly stalking Khalid was gigantic, but Dimitri didn’t process much else before he slammed into it, causing it to knock down some trees as it landed on them. A quick glance to Khalid reassured him that he was okay. Beyond frightened and a knee scraped so hard it tore a hole in his pants but alive. 

Usually a shot like that would be enough to make any lurking beasts run off in a hurry, but it seemed this one was more aggressive than the others. It was back to its feet, clearly angry that it had been disturbed from its meal. With Areadbhar left behind, Dimitri would have to deal with the creature weaponless. 

He caught the wolf by the mouth as it lunged at him, barely managing to stop it from biting his head clean off. Becoming a demon had amplified his strength, but the wolf’s jaw was incredibly powerful, and his arms shook as he tried to keep its mouth still. He dug his claws into its gums until blood began to gush out. It pulled back with a cry, and just when Dimitri had begun to think it was running away, it turned around and smacked him to the side with its tail Dimitri was momentarily dazed as his back hit the ground, but a moment was all the wolf needed to hold him down with its paw, using its weight and position to its advantage as Dimitri tried to push it off. 

There was a sharp blinding pain as the wolf’s teeth pierced through his armor skin, tearing into his shoulder. Dimitri let out a scream as he clawed its thick skin, but the wolf refused to let go despite the black ooze that poured from his wound tainting its mouth. At this rate the wolf was going to tear his shoulder off. Would he survive an injury like that? Would he be able to hold on until he made it to the lake? But it was clear the wolf would not stop its attack until Dimitri was lifeless beneath its paw, and he could feel himself losing strength with every passing second.

He hoped Khalid had taken the opportunity to run while Dimitri had distracted the creature. If he had to die here and now, after everything he’d been through, then let it be for someone else to live. Goddess, allow him that at least. 

“Hey!” 

A rock came hurling out of the sky and straight into the eye of the wolf. It released its hold on Dimitri’s shoulder, black ooze flying from its mouth as it searched for the culprit. 

“Up here!”

Another rock hit the other eye, and the wolf snarled as its eyes landed on something above. Dimitri followed the wolf’s gaze and his stomach sank at the sight.

Instead of running away, Khalid had climbed a tree and held another rock in his hand. He was just out of reach but had no chance of escaping. No, no, no, why didn’t he—

The paw was off his chest and adrenaline coursed through his body as he realized Khalid was his target once more. He ignored the pain as he quickly got to his feet and locked his arms around the wolf’s neck before it could move any further. It became wild and tried to knock Dimitri off, but he would not release his hold. His grip grew tighter and tighter until—

SNAP!

The wolf went limp. Dimitri let out a shaky sigh as he let the corpse fall. It was done. 

“Are you okay?”

As Khalid took his time getting down from the tree, the wound he had sustained felt as if it was pulsing. His arm was beginning to feel numb and his eyes were…

“Hey! No, come on!”

Oh? When had he fallen? He couldn’t recall. He couldn’t feel much of anything right now.

“No, no, no….hey stay with me. Can you hea…” 

* * *

Fluid seeped in as Dimitri’s eyes flickered opened, and for a moment he could not process the fact that he was still alive. So much ooze had tainted the water that all Dimitri could see was black. He could see nothing, feel nothing. His body was weightless here and burdens briefly forgotten. This was what Dimitri imagined a peaceful death would look like. Blissful nothingness, something he did not deserve, which only added to his confusion. It was not until he tried to breathe did he realize where he was, choking on the water that had entered his lungs. 

The lake left no marks on his body as he crawled out, but the exhaustion from the fight remained, leaving him so unaware of his surroundings that he failed to notice he wasn’t alone until Khalid’s voice rang in his ears. 

“You’re alive.” When Dimitri turned to look at him, there was no fear in his eyes. Not anymore. Fear had been replaced with curiosity once more. “Honestly, I’m glad.”

Dimitri couldn’t remember the last time he had laughed, and it surprised them both when he let out a short hardy one. 

“I threatened to kill you, and yet you’re glad I’m alive? Are you a fool?”

“If I recall correctly, you nearly died trying to save me. If I’m a fool, I wonder what that makes you.” There was no malice in his voice and a small smile crept in. 

“Then I suppose we’re both fools.”

“I guess we are. Are you really okay though?” Khalid approached with no caution, reaching out casually, as if they had done this so many times before, to assess his wounds but stopped when Dimitri shied away from his touch. “Your wounds were so deep—”

“They’ve healed. Don’t concern yourself over me.”

“Really? That quickly? What exactly is in the water?”

“It has healing properties. There is no wound I’ve sustained that it hasn’t been able to fix.”

“Incredible. Has this lake always been here? Does it only heal you or does it…”

Looks weren’t the only thing Khalid and Claude shared. Both had open inquiring minds. It was one of the things Dimitri loved about Claude. How his eyes sparkled when he had an opportunity to learn something new. He had seen it many times during the nights they spent in the library. If he closed his eyes for just a bit, he was sure he’d be able to imagine it vividly. Pretend Claude had just read a book about a mystical lake as Dimitri fought fatigue. Moonlight backlighting Claude’s outline as he absorbed the book he had just found. If Dimitri was brave enough, he would reach out and—

“Hey, you should lie down.” Dimitri snapped out of the fantasy and for a second he wondered where he was. “You look like you’re about to kneel over.”

These thoughts were dangerous. If Dimitri wasn’t careful, if he didn’t keep his distance, he might…

“I should rest. You should…” What should he do? “Stay here until I awaken. I’ll guide you safely out of the forest. Then you can go wherever you’d like.” 

**DON’T TRUST HIM.**

**GET RID OF HIM.**

Dimitri ignored the voices as he lay down. He was too tired to argue with them, ask how a human could ever be a threat to him. 

Despite his exhaustion, Dimitri was still aware of Khalid’s movements and his ears perked up when his footsteps approached slowly. Khalid let out a small sigh as he slowly sat down, close to Dimitri but not too close. 

“What if I want to stay here?”

His eyebrows furrowed as he tried to decipher why on earth would anyone ever choose to stay here. Dimitri wouldn’t. He’d like nothing more than to escape this prison, but he couldn’t. He was trapped here forever. Khalid didn’t have to be. 

“Why would you want to stay here?”

“I have nowhere else to go. And besides…” It was strange that despite the fact that he wasn’t looking at him, Dimitri could almost see the smile on Khalid’s face. His voice was peculiarly tender. “It’s probably best if I stick with the demon who saved my life.” 

Part of him wanted to argue. Convince Khalid that the forest was no place for a human to live. That he wouldn’t be good company. To run away and never come back. But instead when he opened his mouth, all Dimitri could say was,

“Fine. I won’t stop you.” 

How desperate for companionship was he to settle for a doppelgänger? Clearly very, but did it really matter? If Khalid chose to stay here, who was he to deny him that? Yes, he was clinging to straws, but Dimitri knew the apparition who had kept him company all these would no longer be enough. 

As pathetic as it was, Dimitri didn’t want to be alone anymore. 

“Do you have a name?” He nearly flinched at the unexpected question. When was the last time anyone had cared about his name? The only thing left of his humanity. 

“Dimitri...my name is Dimitri.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 2's [song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qqnoGzxQVlc) :-)
> 
> Thank you so much for reading! Chapter 3 will posted on March 19 so look forward to that! 
> 
> Also a special thank you to everyone who left comments/kudos :’-)! They mean the world to me, and I love hearing your thoughts <3
> 
> If you haven't already seen it, here's the link to my artist's post on [twitter](https://twitter.com/saltedwedges/status/1368202205140951045) :-)
> 
> And if you're interested, here's my [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/dreaminghosts) and [twitter!](https://twitter.com/dreaminghostlyl)


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